Extramarital Affairs - Why They're Seldom About Sex

When your husband or wife ends up having an extramarital
affair, we all instantly focus our mind on the actual
physical act of them having sex with someone else.

The image of your spouse engaging in red hot sex with
someone else rips your heart out with anger.

You will likely experience two kinds of intense emotions
when you find out your other half is having an affair.

You end up with feelings of incredible despair and sadness,
when you keep asking yourself "why did this happen";
alternated by incredible feelings of anger and rage at the
fact that it did happen.

Once you get over the initial shock, most of us end up
focusing on the sexual act only and are blind to the
emotional implications and reasons of why the affair
happened.

It is a very tough pill to swallow. I've been there...so I
know!

Your mind starts racing around to figure out how it
happened. Was I not good enough in bed? Was he or she just
drunk and had little self control? Is my spouse just weak
minded?

The reality is that while your mind's racing around
frantically focusing on the sex, affairs usually happen
because of needs not being met other than sex.

That doesn't mean you should start to blame yourself. But
you do need to look deeper into the emotional reasons for
which your partner many have strayed.

It is rarely just lust that makes your husband or wife seek
out intimacy in the arms of another. Most affairs happen as
a result of emotional needs not being met in one's current
relationship, which eventually culminate in the physical act
of sex.

But it takes a lot of courage to push your overwhelming
feelings of hurt and betrayal on the back burner and to try
and look at your relationship as a whole and not just your
partner sleeping with someone else.

If you have been cheated on, there are two ways that we deal
with it. Some will instantly call it a day and some will
still want to work it out.

It's funny how things change when affairs actually do take
place. You can't imagine how many men and women I've met who
without hesitation claim that if their spouse ever cheated
they would immediately leave him or her. But when it does
actually happen, a lot of them still want to make it work.

It is beyond the scope of this article to delve into the
complexity of those of you who want to survive the affair.
But I will share my thoughts on how, should you choose to
stick it out, can do so by reducing the hurt and uncertainty
during the process.

I'll end on this note....and say that while it's only
natural for all of us to be completely consumed by the
betrayal of the physical part of the affair, it is the
emotional side that you really need to look at. But is it
easy? Heck no!