Busted Cheater

Keeping Your Cool When You're Suspicous Of Your Spouse Cheating

2006-12-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest things you have to do when you think
you're being cheated on is to keep your cool at first.

The biggest blunder most folks make when they feel their
partner's having an affair is to accuse them based on
suspicions.

This always backfires.

Accusing your other half of wrong doing without having any
real proof, does nothing but harm your chances of finding
out the truth.

It ends up alerting them to be more cautious about their
activities, and any chance of you knowing the truth
evaporates quicker than water in the sahara desert.

You've got to keep your cool till you find real proof of
the affair.

Otherwise you will prolong the time it takes you to know
what is really going on.

Keep cool!

Is Your Spouse A Cyber Cheater?

2006-12-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Say you found out your spouse is engaging in a cyber
relationship - should you feel you are being cheated on?

Well actually it depends. If your partner is just engaging
in cybersex, it usually is just sexual desires and fantasies
they are living through the ever expanding highways of the
virtual world.

While that may still concern you, it is not really something
concrete enough to feel like you're on the recieving end of
an affair.

On the other hand if your spouse is getting emotionally
attached with the person he or she is chatting with...then
it certainly can be called an affair.

But then it brings about the never ending debate of what
needs to happen for something to be called an affair. The
fact is most of us relate to infidelity only by the physical
acts being engaged in.

However, most affairs do not materialize out of lust for
another, but because of the unfullfilled emotional needs we
all have.

So with that in mind, it is really upto you to first define
clearly in your own mind what you consider to be cheating.

One of the questions asked is how can someone get so
emotionally involved with another without being able to see
or hear them? While the complexity of the deeper human
psychology is beyond the scope of this article, I can throw
some light on this matter with a simple insight.

Two of the biggest reasons are that the usual social hurdles
of slowly getting to know one another that happens in the
physical world, are virtually eradicated. You can jump
straight in to your inner thoughts and desires, while you
hide behind a sense of anonymity.

And secondly, because there is a sense of adventure and
mystery in this very new way of connecting with others.

While some may laugh off the whole notion that a cyber
relationship can be classed as an affair, the hundreds of
people who have fallen in love would disagree.

Making a real emotional connection is not just something
that happens in movies, but in real life too.

Trusting A Serial Adulterer

2006-12-09T05:42:00.000-08:00

Does your spouse have a history of having affairs? Or maybe
you've been cheated on before, either with your current
partner or previous ones before...

...the truth is that building that trust is hard work - for
both of you.

The common behavior I see is that, those who have been
cheated on, and have been hurt before, take longer to trust
their partner. But that is natural and quite understandable.

The trouble however stems from the fact that if you've been
hurt before, you might tend towards unknowingly or sub
consciously forcing your other half to actively behave in a
way that shows he or she is faithful.

In other words you'll make him or her prove at every step
that they can be trusted. And because this need of yours
stems from a sense of paranoia, it is unhealthy, and more
often than not leads to arguments and complications in your
relationship that would not have happened otherwise.

As hard as it may be at times, remember that you cannot
illicit reactions and behaviors in others. The only real
control you have is over your own reactions to situations or
your partners bahavior.

If you are suspicious of your husband or wife, try not to
let your emotions get the better of you and start ranting at
them.

I can tell you from extensive experience, that remaining
calm is one of the most important steps needed to find out
the truth.

"I Want To Catch My Wife Cheating"

2006-12-05T05:37:00.000-08:00

My mate Greg, has been feeling very suspicious of his wife
of four years cheating on him.

Everytime there seems to be some small change in her
behavior or explaination of why she came late etc, Greg gets
more and more suspicious.

We had a drink the other day and I asked him what he means
to do about it. His first and last response was simply that
he wants to catch his wife cheating. In other words he
actually wants to catch her red handed.

Now heck, each to his own. However, I do feel compelled to
share what I've learnt from helping hundreds of others who
have suffered the humiliation of an affair.

It's bad to enough to have to deal with all the powerful
emotions of shock at finding out, anger, hurt and betrayal.
But if you actually catch your partner "in the act"....that
is a visual imagery that could, and probably would scar you
for life.

So while your anger may lead you to want to catch them in
the act, so you can alomost have a "legitamcy" to your
furious anger, the aftermath of having to live with that
picture will end up being too overwhelming.

From all the people I've seen, those that choose to hire
private investigators to take pictures of their spouse in
the act...and actually end up seeing them, end up harbouring
a hurt for much longer than those who deal with the affair
with evidence and all, but avoid the actual "walking into
the room".

The over-riding message I'm trying to share is, while your
emotions are about to erupt like a enraged volcano, temper
your actions with some thought, and don't rush into anything
radical.

Have you experienced catching your spouse or partner in the
act? If so, then please leave a comment.

Extramarital Affairs - Why They're Seldom About Sex

2006-12-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

When your husband or wife ends up having an extramarital
affair, we all instantly focus our mind on the actual
physical act of them having sex with someone else.

The image of your spouse engaging in red hot sex with
someone else rips your heart out with anger.

You will likely experience two kinds of intense emotions
when you find out your other half is having an affair.

You end up with feelings of incredible despair and sadness,
when you keep asking yourself "why did this happen";
alternated by incredible feelings of anger and rage at the
fact that it did happen.

Once you get over the initial shock, most of us end up
focusing on the sexual act only and are blind to the
emotional implications and reasons of why the affair
happened.

It is a very tough pill to swallow. I've been there...so I
know!

Your mind starts racing around to figure out how it
happened. Was I not good enough in bed? Was he or she just
drunk and had little self control? Is my spouse just weak
minded?

The reality is that while your mind's racing around
frantically focusing on the sex, affairs usually happen
because of needs not being met other than sex.

That doesn't mean you should start to blame yourself. But
you do need to look deeper into the emotional reasons for
which your partner many have strayed.

It is rarely just lust that makes your husband or wife seek
out intimacy in the arms of another. Most affairs happen as
a result of emotional needs not being met in one's current
relationship, which eventually culminate in the physical act
of sex.

But it takes a lot of courage to push your overwhelming
feelings of hurt and betrayal on the back burner and to try
and look at your relationship as a whole and not just your
partner sleeping with someone else.

If you have been cheated on, there are two ways that we deal
with it. Some will instantly call it a day and some will
still want to work it out.

It's funny how things change when affairs actually do take
place. You can't imagine how many men and women I've met who
without hesitation claim that if their spouse ever cheated
they would immediately leave him or her. But when it does
actually happen, a lot of them still want to make it work.

It is beyond the scope of this article to delve into the
complexity of those of you who want to survive the affair.
But I will share my thoughts on how, should you choose to
stick it out, can do so by reducing the hurt and uncertainty
during the process.

I'll end on this note....and say that while it's only
natural for all of us to be completely consumed by the
betrayal of the physical part of the affair, it is the
emotional side that you really need to look at. But is it
easy? Heck no!

Cheating Spouse Quiz - Will You Know The Truth?

2006-12-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

Ok let me tell you right of the bat. A simple quiz is far
from enough to know if your spouse is cheating.

I keep seeing these light hearted quizes where if you get
more than 50 percent ticks means your other half is having
an affair. This is an exaggeration to say the least.

What you might want to do, instead of taking infidelity
quizes, is to look for signs of unfaithfulness. But the
important thing to note hear is that too many people are
caught up with one off incidents that seem to alert their
suspicions.

More often than not it's very misguided. What you must look
out for instead, is patterns of behavior in your spouse.

So if a quiz about your spouse asks you whether they came
home late one day and didn't get an explanation that
satisfied you....you can't just jump to the conclusion that
it means they're cheating on you.

However, if you see that it is a pattern that repeats
itself, then it's certainly more of an indication that he or
she maybe having an affair.

If you want to know the most common changes in your partner
to look out for, have a read of the article "10 signs of
cheating".

Don't forget that while you can take part in surveys and
quizes, they shouldn't be used as anything conclusive. Your
relationship is far more complex than a few mere incidents
that makes you suspicious.

There were times in previous relationships I've had where I
became a bit distant with my girlfriend, which she
interpreted as being involved with someone else. Well I can
tell you, that was absolutely not the case. So all I'm
saying is don't get too hasty in coming to conclusions.

10 Signs Of Cheating - Is Your Spouse Unfaithful?

2006-11-27T07:10:00.000-08:00

If you're suspicious of your spouse cheating on you, the
first step you can take is look for the common signs of
infidelity.

While they may not be conclusive, you are sure to get a clue
in the right direction. Although there are several
observations you can make in your partner, below is a list
of the 10 most common signs your husband or wife maybe
cheating on you.

Do you see any changes between the sheets? - A common
misconception that many have is that if their partner is
cheating, they will be not want to have sex with you. This
is simply not true. Some of the changes that should alert
you, are decreased interest in sex, increased interest, more
aggressive in bed and probably the biggest red flag being
him or her wanting to try new sexual positions.

Can you "sniff" out infidelity? - Pay attention when your
spouse comes home smelling of a perfume other than his or
her own; or any other smell, like tobacco etc which are
clearly not their own.

Does it "ring" foul play? - In our day and age no affair can
last without communication on the phone. Look out for sudden
changes in the pattern of phone behvior, whether it's the
sudden need for a new cell phone, mysterious calls at
unexpected times. You may notice your partner getting
nervous when recieving certain phone calls...needing to go
out of the room to answer a call etc.

Look for the paper trail - When one has an affair more often
than not the expenses to support their hidden cheating life
comes with more expenses. Watch out for unknown expenses on
credit bills or reciepts left in his/her pockets.

Mood swings - Has your other half started to display
errectic mood swings. Apparently needs more "space for
themselves". They become more hostile and argumentative.

Where are they? - Is your spouse suddenly going off on
lengthy errends? You notice they have recently picked up
"hobbies" or are spending a lot more time with friends.
Making a lot of excuses for abrupt changes in their routine.

Don't I look good? - Is your boyfriend or girlfriend paying
more attention than usual to their appearance than before.
Are they all of a sudden going on a fitness regime? This is
a very common sign of a cheater!

What's that mark? - Pay close attention to your partner when
they are changing their clothes....do you spot any bit marks
or scratches or any other unexplained marks on their body.

You don't have access - While they may have been very open
and casual about access to their email etc...now you're
restricted with what you can access.

It's all in the eyes - One of the biggest signs of a
cheating spouse is to avoid eye contact with you when they
are lying about their whereabouts. If you see your other
half always displaying fleeting eyes when answering you, it
should raise a big "red flag"

Remember that you should never confront your husband or wife
directly without having hardcore evidence or all you'll end
up getting is an aggressive denial.